hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize