The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
