So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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