Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
