I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
