I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
