don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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