hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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