I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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