i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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