you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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