Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
