Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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