I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
