woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
