I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
