yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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