3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize