i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
