just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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