Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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