Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
