Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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