I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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