I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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