maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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