Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
