i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
