bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
