The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
