So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
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Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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