God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Randomize
