She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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