Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
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to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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