Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you never un-have a 4some
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
