Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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