Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
