i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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