I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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