i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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