Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
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