Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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