Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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