i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
