Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
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I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.