Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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