he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high