i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You left your underwear on the fireplace
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night