I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
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well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
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oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.