shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
