I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
