dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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