ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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