dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
