I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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