I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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