i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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