is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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