yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
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an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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