I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
