he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
