Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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