just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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