I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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