i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
